Many Changes

This site has undergone many changes since I began it in 2014.  Its new title, reflects my current situation, in particular the subtitle, Stories on Myself: Notes of a PwP

In 2023 I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, PD. This came as no surprise. For several years I had noticed a patten of irritating anomalies which I attributed simply to aging.  Once, not quite a decade ago, I got up in the middle of the night to take a leak and found myself making little bitty stamping steps as I crossed the hall of my friend’s apartment in Innsbruck.  I thought nothing of it. On that or a later trip, during an excursion to ski in the Dolomites, I found myself incapable of even the most basic turns. I fell down repeatedly, to the point that I gave up, took the lift down to the sunny terrace below where I sat drinking beer and waiting for my friend Fritz to finish his appointed runs.

When covid struck, I found myself strangely at ease with its imposed confinement. I easily accepted that travel was out of the question and that socializing had to be constricted. But other minor irritations began to accrue. My handwriting devolved to a scribble. It was often hard to hear what was being said, and my speech, especially at the end of a day, became feeble, hoarse, rasping. I began to wear tee-shirts and pullovers, without realizing this was avoid the trauma of buttons.

I didn’t resume life as before after the quarantine was lifted. I began a new one.

Memoria vitae bene actae iucundissima est

– Memories of a life well lived are most agreeable

The best thing about dying slowly, which I consider myself so far lucky enough to be able to do, is that the flash of poignant moments from your past life you allegedly see when you die is spread out over a longer while.

How long remains unknown to most of us. Even PD does not confer this knowledge. “Most people die with it,” my first neurologist told me, “rather than from it,” presumably, by way of reassurance.

PD imparts a sort  of lucidity about dying.  It also masks the effects of aging, which is proceeding in the normal way  at the same time that one’s nervous system is eroding. The patient tends to forget that many symptoms of PD, unsteadiness of gait, fatigue, weakness of the legs, incontinence, loss of dexterity, et cetera et cetera, are shared and suffered by all old folks

Getting My Mouth Washed Out

 This Mothers’ Day, as I prefer to spell it, I’ve been haunted by memory of the time when Mother washed my mouth out with soap for using a bad word. No, it wasn’t the f-word. 

That was almost 70 years ago, in Houston, not quite the Deep South, but close enough.  A few years before–I was likely around nine–she’d already called out that particular F- vocable. When I had asked where babies came from, she’d replied in her typical back-handed way,  

“Now, George, I know you know. Don’t you boys snicker about it? It’s a four-letter word beginning with F.”

(For months I held them in, afraid I’d inadvertently inseminate a classmate with a fart.)

No, the word I used a couple of years later was, in her mind, much worse. It began with an N.

*

In her own way  she was honoring the origins of not Mother’s, but Mothers’ Day.

Lest we forget: the origins of Mother’s Day lie in the  1870 Mothers’ [sic] Day Proclamation, a “pacifist reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The appeal was tied to Howe’s feminist conviction that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level.”

Mother, who was a proud Unitarian, would have preferred the 1993 version, updated into a hymn by the Unitarian-Universalist Association, this meant to be much more inclusive in both gender references, multicultural sources.

*

Last night as we were streaming Riot Women, with fabulous music and lyrics by ARXX (pronounced “arks”). I had a brief moment of positivity about the future.

Politics is shaped by cycles. Maybe things will swing back. Am I allowed to hope that he-who-must-not-be-named is the beginning  of dying breath of mindless patriotism, even better of patriarchy?

 

 

 

 

What is a Permie?

Although its name suggests an off-brand of adult sanitary napkin, a permie is a poem whose semantics are driven by the mechanics of permutation. I wrote my first one in 1977.

 A simple matter of constructing meanings from alternative phrases provided by the poem itself.

     Those who love change fear  —>  Those who fear love change.

The addition of an implied comma could make the readings more varied. Take  the fourth line:
      Those who love, fear change —> Those who love fear, change. 

A world of possibilities open up.

I was alerted to permies by a recent experience with a quatrain I composed early one morning. 

I dreamed I wrote a perfect line.
Morning come, it was erased.
Was it hap or by design
All  that sleep time gone to waste?

Just as light began to suffuse the room it dawned on me that the order of the sentences could change into:

Was it hap or by design,
All that sleep time gone to waste?
I dreamed a wrote a perfect line.
Morning come, it was erased.   

And that simple inversion of a couple of couplets was just one possible arrangement. According to the laws of possibilities, though not probabilities, 24 sets can be derived from any four discreet items. The opacity of language and the constraints of syntax keep the number of plausible permutations down from the total of possible combinations.

No doubt my discovery was due to my love for palindromes, in particular the works of Anthony Etherin (https://bsky.app/profile/anthonyetherin.bsky.social), as well as the Brazilian and other palindromistas around Liga  Ágil  (https://bsky.app/profile/ligaagil.bsky.social).

Treppenwitz over Jansenism and the European Left

My present circumstances often cast me into a perpetual state of Treppenwitz. Comments I have in mind never quite reach my lips. Increasingly,  I must resort to written responses, like this one.

The other evening, during a spirited discussion of the role of CP in Italy (in particular the tendency of those on the “Hard  Left”  to “skip over” the PCI when they hardened with age and moved right, including to the Hard Right) a friend  alluded to the Stalinism of the French Communist Party. I tried to explain the role Jansenisn might have played, but couldn’t muster the words.

What I had in mind was a passage from a blog I wrote in

 “The  notion  of a panoptic deity is a terrifying one, even more disturbing than that of a panoptic state, of which one extreme model is the eighteenth century prison which Jeremy Bentham imagined and about which Michel Foucault later wrote. Foucault was the consummate Parisian intellectual, hence bore within the crypto-Protestant strain of Catholic Jansenism, which remains strong among that national elite — one reason French Communism sank such deep roots.” From  https://alteritas.net/GXL/?p=3799.

To check my intuition I queried Duck AI on the matter,   Their  response:

Jansenism and the French Communist Party (PCF) are distinct movements from different eras—one a 17th–18th century Catholic theological/moral reform current, the other a 20th-century secular political party—but they intersected indirectly in French intellectual and political history. Below is a concise overview of origins, key ideas, points of contact, and lasting influences.

Origins and core ideas

– Jansenism (17th–18th c.): Catholic reform movement centered on the theology of Cornelius Jansen; emphasized original sin, human depravity, the necessity of divine grace, moral rigorism, and austere piety. It produced influential convents, clergy, and lay networks in France and was often in tension with Jesuits and the monarchy/church hierarchy.

– French Communist Party (PCF, founded 1920): Marxist-Leninist political party advocating class struggle, proletarian revolution (historically), socialist policies, and later parliamentary participation and alliances (e.g., Popular Front). Strong ties to labor unions and secular Republican culture.

Points of contact and interaction

– Social geography and personnel: Jansenism historically appealed to sections of the French educated classes, provincial elites, and parts of lower clergy; its cultural imprint (emphasis on discipline, moral seriousness, local networks) persisted in certain regions (e.g., parts of Normandy, Brittany, and northern France). These regions later supplied recruits and a cultural milieu that sometimes intersected with left-wing political mobilization, including communists.

– Anti-clericalism and secularization: The PCF championed secularism and opposed clerical political influence. While Jansenism was a Catholic reform movement, its historical conflicts with ecclesiastical hierarchy and with royal absolutism sometimes placed it culturally closer to strains of religious dissent that fed broader anti-authoritarian traditions. However, PCF’s militant atheism and Marxist critique of religion put it at odds with all confessional movements, Jansenist or otherwise.

– Intellectual resonance (moral rigor, discipline): Some historians note an indirect cultural resonance between Jansenist moral seriousness and certain strands of French leftist virtue—rigor, asceticism, distrust of bourgeois mores—that appear in intellectuals who later joined or sympathized with the PCF. This is more an interpretive, cultural-historical observation than a direct institutional link.

– Republican and populist mobilization: In parts of rural France where Jansenist-influenced Catholic practice remained strong, political allegiances could vary. In some locales, deep local networks (parishes, schools, confraternities) were later channels either for clerical conservatism or for secular republican and left-wing organizers, depending on local dynamics—so the interaction was contingent and local rather than structural.

Notable cases and figures

– No direct institutional continuity connects Jansenist organizations to the PCF. Where historians draw connections, they stress cultural legacies (discipline, moral seriousness, local solidarities) and regional social structures rather than doctrinal or organizational continuity.

– Intellectuals: Some French writers and thinkers have traced moral-political continuities between certain Catholic moralists and Catholic-turned-left or left-leaning intellectuals; these are interpretive and debated rather than settled historical facts.

Why the comparison matters

– Shows how religious cultures can leave secular political traces through habits, networks, and regional social structures.

– Illustrates that political affiliation in France was shaped by local, cultural, and historical legacies as much as by class or economic interests.

If you want:

– A short bibliography of scholarly works on Jansenism’s social legacy and on the PCF’s regional bases.

– A brief case study (e.g., a region or town) showing how Jansenist networks affected 20th-century political alignment.

Related search suggestions follow.