Gossamer So Sheer

Extremaunción, El Ex-Convento de San Francisco de Asís, Tzintzuntzán (“place of the hummingbirds”), Michoacán.
Extremaunción, El Ex-Convento de San Francisco de Asís, Tzintzuntzán (“place of the hummingbirds”), Michoacán.

A German shored up in the highlands
of Michoacán, Enrique had embraced
his Mexican name and Mexican life.
He and his wife graciously hosted
me one week in Nineteen Eighty-One.
Teresa was curator of the regional
Museo de artes e industrias populares.
As for Enrique, he eked out a living
restoring faded frescoes and decrepit
canvases in dilapidated churches.
There were many around, some
dating back to the sixteenth century.
Mornings we rode across the high
savanna in the back of pickups
beside his kit of brushes and rags,
pigments and vials of volatile fluids.
Then in the acrid shadows of a dusty
vault, transept or nave where motes
danced calliope-like in slanting beams –
himself a figure in chiaroscuro –
Enrique would labor to retrieve
the haloed saints and wingèd angels
conscripted Tarrascan artists had painted.
When the sun reached its zenith, he would
stop work wherever he was, assemble
and pack his disparate ad hoc gear.
We would journey an hour or two back
to Pátzcuaro, whose lake’s glossy surface
is where the membrane between life
and death is thinnest, gossamer so sheer
it may momentarily seem not there.
Once home, he would shut the gate
to his compound, trade his paint-splotched
overalls for the rough white cotton
combination suit common in town,
indulge in a first pungent shot from
his working jug of agave mescal,
then settle in for the rest of the day.
This looked to me like an ideal life,
succulent grounds for an ideal death.

***
A versification of this prior short prose piece. The fresco depicting an ideal death helped convert this real life anecdote into a vita poetae. Enrique became me. 

Why, Death, Should I Fear You?

Why, Death, should I fear you?
Are you not my flunkey, faithfully serving
beside me? Do I not watch everything you do?
Are you not a mere husk of a man,
docile, oblivious of whatever
I don’t want you to see? Do you
not long to have what is mine, glory,
solitude, love, while but an obsequious
lackey at my beck and call?
Do I not guide you around like a dog?
Do you not pliantly lip the words
I put into your mouth? Do you not slavishly
relish the slightest kindness I grant?
What can you see or say without me?
Where can you go? Dead, shall I
not become, Death, your own
death, whom you, Death, should fear,
should pamper, should love?

(Original Spanish below)

***
This translation has been a long time coming. I discovered the original by the Andalusian Juan Ramón Jiménez in 1969, thanks to my Catalan Doktorvater Juan Ferraté.

Sixteen years later in Cuetzalan del Progresso in the cloud forest above Mexico’s Gulf Coast I had a hand-made belt embroidered with its first line, to the express admiration of the artesano.

 

It is not that death is entering my prospect with any more focus in these crepuscular days. It was always there. Fear of death is our first and deepest instinct. All we can lodge against it are words we compose then utter back to ourselves. These, at least, rise to high baroque conceit:

¿Como, muerte, tenerte
miedo? ¿No estas conmigo aquí trabajando?
¿No te toco en mis ojos; no me dices
que no sabes de nada, que eres hueca,
inconsciente y pacífica? ¿No gozas,
conmigo, todo: gloria, soledad,
amor, hasta tus tuétanos?
¿No me estás aguantando,
muerte, de pie la vida?
¿No te traigo y te llevo, ciega,
como tu lazarillo? ¿No repites
con tu boca pasiva
lo que quiero que digas? ¿No soportas,
esclava, la bondad con que te obligo?
¿Que verás, que dirás, adónde irás
sin mí? ¿No sere yo, muerte,
tu muerte, a quien tu, muerte,
debes temer, mimar, amar?